Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
