theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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