He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
