i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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