I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
me + whiskey = a bad person
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
