What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
