So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
