Jerry, you need to find god
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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