Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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