Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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