My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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