Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
