u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
