you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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