Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
