I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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