1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
