TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
