She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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