Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
