I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
