He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
