By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
