how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
