I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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