I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
