it hurts more in the daytime
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
