you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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