The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
