he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
