If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He did a backflip because drugs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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