theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
