if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
