the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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