i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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