Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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