my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
