Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
