and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
