I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
