dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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