the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
