I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
