Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
