:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
