Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
