I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
