I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize