Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
