i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
