omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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