i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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