you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
