Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
