how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.