i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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