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Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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