dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander