Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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