I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
