I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
