You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
